Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
