What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
