in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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