It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
