Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
