I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
