Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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