someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This toilet bowl is my home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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