Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
