My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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