I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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