im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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