So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
