Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
