She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
