So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
