Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
