So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
