The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
