i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
