Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
