problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
