If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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