so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
