The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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