god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
