dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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