She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
