And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
