So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So much Jack, so little girl.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
