WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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