Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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