I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
