Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
