i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
