ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
