This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
