Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
