dude i'm inner monologue high
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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