Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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