You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
two words: eviction party
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
