U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
