he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize