I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
