Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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