when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
