i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
