after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
