i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they call him Oral-B. enough said
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
