So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We left an ass print on the piano.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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