my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
