I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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