I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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