two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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