I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
