Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
