Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
