shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
