i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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