I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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