The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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