i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just want to make out with him forever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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