Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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