You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
