She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
