my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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