I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
