How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
