I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
