I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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