TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
