see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
