I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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