Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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