I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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