I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
