this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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