he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
