went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
