I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
