not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
